I'm In Love With My Best Guy Friend, But I Don't Know If He Feels The Same Way. What Should I Do?

46 Answers

Kathryn Wright Profile
Kathryn Wright answered
What Do I Do If I'm In Love With My Best Friend?
It really depends on how long you've known each other, how close you are and so on.
If your feelings are strong and serious, I would suggest to spend a little more time with him. Suss out his body language and the way he looks at you, and if you feel there could be a chance, make sure the two of you are alone. Let him know you like him as more than a friend, and ask him what he thinks about it.
 
I know it can seem scary and difficult, but the best relationships start from friendship. At the same time, remember that if you dated and broke up, it's likely you'd lose your friendship, too. Are you willing to risk that?

What if he doesn't feel the same way?
Quite often, when you earn someone's trust and feel secure in your friendship, it is hard to see why that couldn't develop into a sexual relationship.  However, the chemistry also has to be right for this element of a relationship to work.

If your friend doesn't feel the same way as you do, don't persist. If he's not interested in anything more than a platonic relationship, accept it - if not, you could lose his friendship entirely. If that does happen, just try to move on - and if it's painful at first, spend time with other friends for a while, just until your feelings have subsided a bit.
Morgan Jones Profile
Morgan Jones answered
I've been stuck in this situation for over 4 and a half years now. And the only problem for me was fear. I was afraid I would ruin our friendship if I told him how I felt about it. I couldn't handle it anymore though, so I decided to tell him two and a half years ago. He told me that he loved me back, but not in that way. I've come to a point where I can accept that. I have no choice now do I? But in a sense, I think it brought us closer than we were. We're still best friends, and I still love him to death. And he loves me back, just not in that way.

My advice to you is that you simply tell him one day, in person, when you and him are alone. Don't just throw it at him though. Say something along the lines of "Look, I have to tell you something, and it matters so much to me that you know. Promise you won't think different of me when I tell you." That's what I did. If you two are as close as you think you are, it shouldn't affect your friendship, if he doesn't feel the same way.

Then, simply tell him. Even if he doesn't love you back like that, you'll feel better that you told him. Because now you either know that you do both love eachother, or that he doesn't feel the same, and you begin the course of moving on.

I hope I helped. Good Luck. (:
Eliza Montgomery Profile
I was in this situation for 4-5 years... He was my best friend, we would do everything together, not going for more than a week without speaking. I loved our friendship so much and wished it could last forever... We hung out all the time, could talk for hours and hours without ever running out of things to say. I knew everything about him, and he, the same. At the height of our friendship, we couldn't even go a couple of hours without talking to eachother. We promised each other that we would keep our friendship forever, no matter what obstacles came in our way. We promised that we would always tell each other all our secrets and thoughts, even if we didn't see each other...            So, to me being in love with him... It would be on and off, but, I couldn't go a day without thinking about him. I loved how I could be myself around him and be as weird as possible and know that he would always be there for me. He would even say stuff like, you're beautiful, perfect, best personality in a girl, and he said he wished he could like me, which confused me even more... The real clincher is that, he was/is in love with my best girl friend... I helped him through his pain, would talk for hours with him about his emotions and pain. I was his cure, and he was my disease, I was saving him, while he was killing me. I guess this story is a typical love triangle and could be a book or something... But, I have never, and never will tell anyof my friends, that I was in love with him, because I know it would ruin everything...          This past year, I am lucky if I see him once a month or talk to him once every two weeks... Our friendship is slowly fading and we are both aware of it. It seemed for a while like he didn't care about me enough to text me or call me... In the beginning, when we wouldn't see each other, I knew he cared a lot... He told my friend that no one will ever be me, that no one could ever replace me. But as time wore on, he eventually changed and barely even talks to me when I do see him at parties and such... But, last night I had an "epiphany" where I realized we had both changed and at this point in our lives, our "eternal" friendship isn't needed. I feel like we both have come to a mutual, nonverbal understanding where we are and alwasy will be each other's best friend, but we just don't need each other right now.        I will always miss him and he will stay a part in my life, but I learned that I was never in love with him, I was in love with our friendship.
benjamin bolaji mejabi Profile
My advice for you is not to die in silence. He may be feeling the same but he may not want to insult or break your friendship in case you turn his request down. He is for you, all that you need to do is possess your possession.
mary j Profile
mary j answered
It really depends on how long you've known each other, how close you are and so on.
If your feelings are strong and serious, I would suggest to spend a little more time with him, suss out his body language, the way he looks at you, if you feel there could be a chance, make sure the two of you are alone and let him know you like him more than a friend,  and ask him what he thinks about it, I know it can seem scary and difficult, but the best relationships start from friendship,
if he doesn't feel the same way, try not too spend too much time with him as it will probably hurt you, you never know, he might start chasing you after that :)
good luck
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I hate to say it but I am in the same situation. I kind of hate myself for even thinking it, but my best friend is my ideal guy. He makes me laugh, he's there for me when I need him and he treats me with so much respect. He literally knows everything about me, good and bad. And I wouldnt even dream about telling him I love him because I know he wouldnt take it well at all. He even said to me, if you fancied me it would be awkard. So I just try not to think about it. Its hard at times but I'm sure it will pass in time. Its not worth gambling my friendship with him just for the sake of my feelings. My advise to everyone is, listen to your heart, but often your head knows best.x
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
First of all you need to think about the relationship you currently have with this best guy friend.  If you tell him you love him and he doesn't feel the same way about you is it possible that it would sour the relationship and result in you losing this chap as a friend.  If that is the case, how would that make you feel?  If he has been your best friend for five or ten years then this would be a very big loss, but perhaps if he has only been your best friend for a few months, then the loss may not be so great.  Only you can decide if telling him of your feelings is worth the risk of losing him. 

Give yourself a month or two to try and figure things out.  If you've only recently felt that you are in love with him, you owe it to yourself and to your friendship to think about whether it really is love, or a crush or infatuation.  Sometimes it's  hard to tell the difference !  During this 'rest period' you can think about what he means to you and perhaps drop hints that you like him as more than a friend and see how he responds.  Then if you still feel the same and you are prepared to accept that it may affect the friendship substantially, then perhaps it is worth telling him how you feel.

thanked the writer.
isabella safdie
isabella safdie commented
Thanks for your advice......i like this guy who is in alot of my classes and don't know if he likes me back. I have never felt this way for a guy before, he is my first real crush and i'm only 14. I just got into high school and only know him for three months,,,and those three months have been like the best months ever..what should i do?
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I have this problem now and like you said i should wait a few months and i did wait but i am super scared to tell him
Alexis poppoa
Alexis poppoa commented
I think this so SO SO helpful thanks a thousand times over
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
HELP!

Same situation... I've known him for about 3 years now... Each year getting closer and closer. He's my BEST guy friend, though his friend seems to be protective of me as well. We always play this board game together- during lunch. We even have started carpooling to the club where this game is played! He's a year older than me but we are in one of the same classes. Today, he spent almost the whole period talking to me! He kept on coming up to my table to talk...
Do you think he feels the same way about me? He seems friendly to another girl as well... But I know he's never had a girlfriend and I havent had a boyfriend either.

Thanks! Please answer... URGENT!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ditto! I'm in love with my best guy friend. My main problem is he's way better then me (to put it in simple and cheap 'n horrible terms, I'm about a 7ish and he's a 10) he's also a player. We lived together and slept together every night except when he had other girls over and he often has several girlfriends at once but I'm the only person in his life that he's ever entirely himself with, with all his other gf's, friends and even family he's this fake charming person. He always comes to me first if anything goes wrong  or if he has any exciting news or if he just feels like he needs to feel like he's loved as himself. He even texts me and asks me to tell him I love him if he's feeling down (I do the same). He says he loves me but not in that way. I don't know what's wrong with me! I'm considered to be at least relatively intelligent and yet I feel like I'm acting so pathetic and weak, like I'm a traitor to females all over the world but I can't help loving him. I want to know how to make him see me as an option or even better, how do I STOP loving him?? I thought not sleeping with him would help but I went for just over 6 months of not seeing him or sleeping with him and it didn't make a difference, the whole sixth months my heart ached for him. And as much as I try I just can't seem to make myself even interested in anyone else... I'm starting to think my only option is to go the Eternal Sunshine of the A Spotless Mind way!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
The best thing for you to do is tell him how you actually feel about him! Chances are that he feels the same way about you but he might be nervous about telling you. Or he isn't sure that he likes you because he is afraid you don't like him. What is the worst thing that can happen? He will tell you that he doesnt like you and he just wants to be your friend. Even then you still have your friendship and that is what is important.
Laila Breger Profile
Laila Breger answered
Same situation, I got lucky though. I told him I have feelings, he knows but we are still extremely close. I feel that if he knows about my feelings for him and I do not pressure him, maybe  one day we will try it out when he is ready. Love is powerful, if it should work out, it will. Let him know.
Ruth Joe Profile
Ruth Joe answered
I met this guy during my sophomore year of college. He was so goofy and I didn't think anything of him at all past the friend level. We got really close when I was a senior. Everyone would always ask me if I had something for him and I would adamantly reply no. I think I completely blocked out the idea because he's a year younger too. He's from the same hometown as me as well so I see him when I go home too. Well after graduating, I moved to a different city for school. A year later, he got accepted to the medical school there and is now in the same city as me again. We are still pretty close. Usually when I have a crush on someone it goes away and never develops into anything deeper because that person leaves my life but with this guy, he has always been in my life. I can't deny that I have feelings for him anymore. I feel so dumb though because people still ask me if there is something going on and I always just label him as a friend but secretly inside, I really like him. Only, I don't think he is ready for a relationship. Also, I'm not sure if he feels the same about me. Sometimes I feel like he might like me or I might be out of my mind that he would ever go for someone like me. He pushes me away too but I'm not sure if it's because I do that to him. What do I do? Should I wait till he says something? Should I wait around until he is ready for a relationship? This doesn't happen over night though. I'm so confused...I'm trying to consider other options but I can't get him out of my mind. We are so opposite in so many ways yet there is this unspoken connection that I have with him.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in the same situation Too.  Me && Him have been best friends for 6 years now . He Knows everything about me . His Best friend has a crush on me and so He tries to piss off his friend by per tending to flirt with me ,, and Sometimes I have a feeling her really means it ....  I Think he likes me
But then I have to think about if I want to actually be in a relationship with him. Because if I start something what if it ends badly then things wont be like they were before .  But I really do Lovee him =)  
And I think he can kind of tell ,,,, And it's kind of obvious he likes me too,
I just don't want us to end badly
saba yousuf Profile
saba yousuf answered
Well just say him that you love him, and if you think that he is in love with someone else, you should tell him about your feeling and then see what is his reaction.
Rachel Ratcliffe Profile
Tell him you think hooking up is changing your relationship and ask how he feels about it - does he want things to develop or just go back to friendship. Once you know that you'll know what to do
Bob C. Profile
Bob C. answered
Plant the wettest, slowest, steamiest liplock on this guy, and tell him that you are ending your friendship.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well it shud be sudden and spontaneous ....right from the heart...not many romantic lines requiered ...jus a bold statement would do....jst saying it directly, will you be my guy?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have the exact same question! :D I'm in love with my best guy friend and he once said he loved me, but I had not yet relized I felt the same way, I said Well, your kinda like a brother to me I love you like a brother. :( that was the biggest mistake I have made in my life. Now, he has a girlfriend and the worst part of it all: He's my bff's ex boyfriend. I know I know, how could I? I don't know good question. (sigh) I want to see if he still feels that way, or if that was my last chance( And I think he still likes my bff) I mean I'm happy for him that he found a girl, but I can't take it anymore. I have to tell him! AND I WILL! Thanks for who ever wrote this question this gives me courage.
Oh yeah, and the answer to your question is: Don't wait until it's too late and he has a girlfriend and/or falls love with some other girl, Go somewhere away from all his friends and yours and ask him in your words if he does feel the same way, or if you are shy you could maybe get one of your friends to ask him ( Of couse he might tell your friend he doesnt because hes also being shy, I would go with the first suggestion)
GOOD LUCK!!!! :D
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I had the same thing - I was in love with a guy who already had a girlfriend, and I went the denial route.  I tried to like other guys, respected his relationship, etc.  His girlfriend broke up with him a year later (we were best friends the whole time), but by that time I was with another guy.  Finally he and I broke up, and guess what?  Now I'm with the guy I was in love with all along, because it turned out HE LIKED ME TOO.  A lot of hassle and frustration and sadness could have been spared.  You don't have to say it awkwardly either, try watching a movie together and getting a little snuggly - do it gradually and you'll have your answer.  Don't just ignore your feelings - try to figure out if he likes you too.  You'll be way better off knowing!
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in the same situation.
One thing you have to remember is to take it slow.
My sister told him over text, and then several of my friends kept telling him how much I wanted him. But, if he still doesn't do anything, talked to him about, and give him some time to process all of it. And a week or so after the 'talk' and he hasn't said anything to you, start up a conversation with him and sure that he knows that him not loving you back is ok (if it is) and that you still want to be friends and to look past all the awkwardness. It's better to be friends than nothing at all.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in the same situation. Ive been best friends with him for 6 years. 3 years ago, we were going to date but I chickened out and didnt want to mess up my friendship with him. I still have strong feelings for him. My best advice - "whats meant to be, will happen" I have this strong feeling hes going to be the one I marry. I'm just too scared to tell him. Although all my friends think hes whipped by me cause he never says no to me. So one friend said just do it he'll say yes haha but anyway, just go for it, if you don't, your going to regret it. And who knows it could work out :)
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Hey people. Don't hate me but I am also falling for my best friend....but he has a girlfriend.  I would never make a move on him, because I respect his relationship...however, everyone around me seems to think we'd be perfect for each other and that he likes me a whole lot more than as a friend.  I am crushed that she found him first......what do I do?
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I was in love with my best guy friend and I told him how I felt for him and I found out that he loved me too and we are still together .....I think that if you love your best friend your relationship will be better and last forever and always xx
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Okay. So my girlfriend cheated on me with her bff and I forgave her for it. She was out of town and stressed out and she said that she didn't want anything like that with him. I opened her computer a little bit ago and in the search bar said "I'm in love with $%#@!". So I went into her history and found this page. So. What should I do? Should I end my 2 year relationship with her because she obviously doesn't really care for me anymore or should I just play stupid and act like nothing is going on? I feel like she gets what she wants with him and doesn't think she can with me even though it's totally true...
Daniella Smith Profile
Daniella Smith answered
Ooooh baby I get three words for yeah, go for it. My best friend is a guy and he worships me but I don't feel the same way about him, he wont leave me alone, so if he doesn't feel the same way don't push it because that's what my best friend did and I now despise him immensely.
thanked the writer.
Anonymous
Anonymous commented
I Think you should take a try and see how it work if you never try you never know what can happen.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in the same situation. My best guy friend and I have known eachother since middle school and we're really close. We always joke around and tell eachother that we love each other, and he always calls me babe or little nicknames like that. I've had feelings for him for about a year now and I don't know what to do...if I tell him I could ruin everything. We've been best friends for 5 years too so it would be a big loss if he doesn't have feelings for me in return.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
You shold not beat yourself up about it. I have ben in the situation before and I told him and it turns out he did not like me that way. Then I found out that my best friend liked him that way and she told him and he went out with her and I was jealous but then they only went out for a day and she dumped him. But me and him still talk and we are all still best friends so it has not changed our friendship and I have found someone else now who loves me and we have been together for three months.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Wait for the appropiate moment and just tell him how you feel about him; otherwise, he'll never know. And, you will never know if feels the same way about you. Just try. You've nothing to lose. Hopefully you can still be friend if the does not feel the same way about you. Take care:-)
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Well here's the thing. I'm also in loe with my best friend and he doesnt know how I feel.. You do know that everything happens for a reason, right? Well it's your choice whether you want to tell him how you feel, but sometimes thats really hard... I love him more than anything.. You need to know that if he has a girlfriend, you hae respect that 100%, no matter what. Because if you REALLY loe him you'd want whats best for him...I understand you want him to be yours, all yours. You hae no I dea ow much I want that to, but you hae to see how he feel.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
This is EXACTLY the same with me. I actually love him. I have since the day I  met him. Theres something different about him. We're really close :D I told him I really liked him, and were the same as we before. But now I have a shot with him :D so do it, you never know what hes gonnar saay (:
Liz Sanchez Profile
Liz Sanchez answered
I have the same situation. I often find him stairing at me, and when he offers to buy me somthing, and I refuse, he gets buthurt. I deeply love this guy because we've been friends since freshman year, and we have a lot in common. But my fear of rejection keeps me from telling him how I feel. The worst part is that when we graduate he's enlisting in the army, and I fear I'll never see him again. Its only a year away, but during that time I don't think I'll tell him because hes too shy to answer me anyway. But I think I'll have to grow a pair and just say it.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I went out with a girl a year ago. It didn't last terribly long courtesy of me much to my regret. We are now really good friends, but I'm in love with her I don't have a clue what to do
I'm 16
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
Ask him a silly question like what would you say if I told you I love you but wait for a silly moment
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm sure there is more than enough wisdom to be gained from these answers, but I think I should point out a method that helps with whatever you choose to do: Pray. If nothing but to give you confidence.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I have been in the same spot as you and you should just ask him ,but don't say it in a fast way eg.I LIKE YOU! No, just say that you like him but you just want to spend time with him. Hope this helps!:D
Meta Forrest Profile
Meta Forrest answered
Best to be honest with him and let him know how you feel . There is every chance he feels the same way . 
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in love with my best friend hes been my friend for 3 years now. And we have watched each other get our hearts broke. We have always been there for each other. We have only got in one fight the whole time we have known each other. And ive known that I have loved him for over a year now. He said once that he dunt want to ruin our friendship because I'm the only person he truely trusts and I'm the only person he knows with never leave and that ill always be there for him. So its kinda hard for me. But he gets mad when I say I'm fat or ugly and tells me to never say it again because we both no its not true, and no other guy has ever said that. Everyone juss says no your not. And it hurts when he gets a gf and I know that hes going to get his heart broke. (the song you belong with me by taylor swift is completely true with him and I) I think I'm going to tell him how I feel about him after prom at my birthday party. But not sure how to tell him.
nisa lutchman Profile
nisa lutchman answered
I'm in the same situation right now for 4 yrs , except I told him and he doesn't love me that way. Only as a friend. But that man treats me like gold otherwise. I can't think of losing him and he doesn't want to lose me either. But I know that I'm slowly dying. But I can't stop loving him. I don't know what to do. I'll advise you to try to find a way to know how he feels for you first before you let him know how you feel. I wish that 4yrs ago I never told him , maybe I would have been better off.
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
I'm in the same situation! I've been best friends with him for 6 years now and always go back and forth on how I feel about him.  I love him more than anything, but I don't know if I'm IN LOVE with him. I guess I'm more curious about it than anything. I mean, I'm more myself around him than anyone else, I always have an awesome time with him, I have more fun with him than with any of my girl friends, and he makes me laugh. Everytime I see him I get really happy, but I still don't know if that means I'm in love with him...And I don't know how he feel about me. Sometimes I think maybe he does, but then other times I don't.  We live very far away from each other during the school year, but stay in touch almost everyday and I miss him sooooooo very much.  He has never had a real relationship, but I don't even know if it would work out anyway. I don't want to lose him as a friend, so I'm not going to do anything soon unless he hints at things...but I hate not knowing...I guess I will just continue to do things the way I have been...I'de rather be his best friend and never know than lose him forever...
Anonymous Profile
Anonymous answered
If you want to keep the friendship,don't do it. Once you do it will never be the same if he doesn't have the same feelings. I know this because I lost my best friend when we crossed the line, and our 4 year friendship has never recovered.
kierra baldwin Profile
kierra baldwin answered
Get one of your friends to ask him and say like "I see you and ___ (whatever your name is) have been hanging out a lot, do you like her?"
If you do, tell me what he says and I can tell you if he loves you back or not

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